williamwataru

I’ve had many kinds of friendships in my life.

Growing up in California, many of my friendships were proximity-based. We shared a school, a team, a routine, and maybe some interests like video games, sports, or just hanging out.

Those early friendships became extremely important in the creation of my identity. I used to tell my dad, “These are my best friends forever!”

My dad would always disagree, which made me upset at the time. I felt he didn’t understand me.

As time went on, and distance increased, it became harder to maintain friendships in the same way as before. I realized a lot of the strength of those friendships came from sharing a physical space together. I also realized I am not particularly good at maintaining friendships from afar.

I guess my dad was right.

All of this makes it extra special when I am able to reconnect with friends in a completely different place from the one where our friendship originally grew.

I am grateful I had the opportunity to do that in Portugal.

Actually, most of the reason Sara and I were in Europe to begin with was because we were attending a wedding in Portugal for our friends, Matt and Kaitlyn. We just decided to check out a few places before the main event, so in a way, Matt and Kaitlyn getting married indirectly contributed to us having the trip of a lifetime.

When I first met Matt and Kaitlyn, I was 22 years old, attending a karaoke night I had been invited to by a mutual friend, Jeremy. More about Jeremy later.

I didn’t talk much with Matt and Kaitlyn that night, but I saw them intermittently over the next couple of years, and eventually, we became close friends.

Once Sara moved to Portland, the four of us started hanging out more often, and we quickly realized how easy it was to spend time together.

Matt explained it perfectly recently. Our friendship is a good reminder that the strength of a friendship isn’t always determined by how long you’ve known someone. Sometimes it has much more to do with the quality of the experiences you’ve shared along the way.

I think there is also something about natural compatibility, although I don’t know how to explain it.

They are thoughtful people, who listen attentively. They ask questions because they genuinely want to know the answer. They care about how other people are feeling without making a big deal about it.

They also aren’t particularly picky about what we do. Neither are we. We can walk around Portland all day without much of a plan, grab food somewhere, go back to someone’s house, have drinks, put on YouTube or a movie, and suddenly realize it’s much later than anyone expected.

That seems to happen almost every time the four of us hang out, and there is a comfort to the friendship that is hard to manufacture.

We also share a curiosity about the world. Matt studied abroad in Korea and has been to Japan many times. Kaitlyn has been to both places and is especially familiar with Korean entertainment culture. They understand why Sara and I are interested in these places because they are interested in them too.

Needless to say, we had been looking forward to reconnecting with Matt and Kaitlyn in Lisbon for weeks, and when it finally happened, it was exactly as expected.

A dream!

Matt had been to Lisbon multiple times before and knows a lot about the city. After weeks of Sara and me figuring out where to go, what train to take, and what restaurant to eat at, it felt nice to turn our brains off for a bit and let someone else guide us.

On the first evening, that place was Miradouro de São Pedro de Alcântara, a viewpoint with amazing views over Lisbon.

We walked along the terrace until we came across a kiosk selling drinks. I was surprised to see it, but Matt told us that these kiosks are common around Lisbon’s viewpoints.

A great culture, indeed.

We grabbed some drinks, sat overlooking the city, and caught up.

Naturally, we stayed much longer than any of us expected.

We spent the days before the wedding events reconnecting with friends, meeting new ones, and experiencing Lisbon.

We had our first proper Portuguese octopus rice and fresh fish, and it was delicious.

We went to a restaurant in Alfama and experienced Fado, Lisbon’s signature music style. It was a very intimate performance and became one of my favorite moments in Lisbon.

So, remember that friend Jeremy from earlier?

He also made the trip to Portugal from Oregon.

The thing about Jeremy and me is…

We like to drink.

And together, we can get a bit rowdy.

During the Fado dinner, we realized there was unlimited wine. Dangerous.

Jeremy does this thing where he counts how many drinks I’ve had, which I find funny. Then I tease him for commenting on how many drinks I’ve had, and we go back and forth until neither of us is sure who started it.

It is admittedly a bit childish, but we have a history of pushing each other like this, and it usually ends up being a fun night.

We certainly indulged in the unlimited wine.

After the Fado dinner ended, Jeremy took us to a bar he had found with music and a beer pong table.

I didn’t even know bars outside the US could have beer pong tables, and I was shocked. Admittedly, my inner college kid came out in that moment.

We ended up drinking and playing beer pong with Matt and another good friend, Ryan, until past midnight.

Although I definitely drank too much, it was a great night.

Then the day of the first wedding event came, and it was time to go on a sunset cruise.

Matt and Kaitlyn really outdid themselves here.

It was one of the more beautiful experiences of my life.

There was beer, wine and food for everyone onboard while we cruised along the water, watched the sunset, and spent time with friends who had traveled from all over to be there.

The next day was the wedding.

Sara and I spent the morning and early afternoon enjoying the resort Matt and Kaitlyn had chosen as their venue. After weeks of traveling through Europe in hostels and cheap stays, we were very excited to be somewhere comfortable.

The resort itself was a 15th-century palace (a flex!). 

It had two pools, a sauna, a gym, and amazing views of the ocean.

Then there was the chapel, the place where Matt and Kaitlyn would actually be married.

The wedding ceremony started with a reading of the personal history between Matt and Kaitlyn.

It was one of my favorite wedding moments because of how intimate it felt.

We weren’t just watching them get married, we were invited into their story. We got to hear about the decisions, coincidences, and moments that eventually brought them to this chapel in Portugal.

Sara and I felt even happier because so much of the story was already familiar to us.

We knew these moments. We remembered hearing about them.

It felt like a small indication of how close we had become over the years.

There were moments during the ceremony when I couldn’t help but look around and feel this sense of awe at how far everyone had come to be there.

Different states. Different countries. Different parts of Matt and Kaitlyn’s lives.

Everyone had arrived in the same room at the same time because these two people mattered to them. 

You could feel the love in the room and the strength of the family and friendships surrounding them, and it was something I really admired.

After the ceremony came cocktail hour, my favorite!

Except this cocktail hour happened to be in the garden of a 15th-century palace with live music and an oceanside view.

It’s the kind of experience you don’t forget.

There was an open bar, and I unintentionally caused a white vermut craze by talking about how much I had enjoyed drinking it in Spain.

Suddenly, it seemed like everyone was sipping white vermut, and within minutes, half the bottle was gone.

Then came dinner.

At every step of the wedding day, it was obvious how much thought Matt and Kaitlyn had put into everything. 

They had planned a starter, two entrees, and dessert for everyone attending.

TWO entrees.

Plus an open bar and live music!

The starter was a sweet potato soup, followed by braised salmon with roasted potatoes and mushrooms.

Then came the second entree, veal with potato gratin.

Dessert was a traditional Portuguese dish called sericaia, a soft, custard-like dessert.

Everything was delicious.

The KO moment was when they wheeled out an entire dessert buffet to cap off the evening. I was so full I could barely eat anything.

Looking back, the ridiculous amount of food actually felt very appropriate.

It showed how much Matt and Kaitlyn wanted to spoil their friends and family.

They have always been like that.

Generous. Thoughtful. Excited to bring people together.

I remember early in our friendship getting invited to Matt’s house for a barbecue and thinking, who am I to get invited to something this personal?

And what a feast it always is whenever we go to Matt’s house.

A full spread. Filipino food, Italian food, American food, everything you can think of.

That’s just who Matt is. He is someone who includes people whenever he can and someone who cares deeply for the people he loves.

Kaitlyn has that same thoughtfulness, which is why they are perfect for each other. 

The wedding felt like an enormous version of the same thing we had experienced so many times in Portland.

Come over. Eat. Drink. Stay longer than you expected. There’s room for you here.

I don’t think the strongest friendships necessarily depend on proximity. They don’t depend on knowing someone since childhood, talking every day, or maintaining some perfect level of contact.

Sometimes you just find people with whom things feel easy.

People you can reconnect with thousands of miles from home and feel like nothing has changed.

We were watching two people we genuinely love begin another part of their lives, surrounded by many other people who love them too.

I’m incredibly thankful that we were able to be part of their big day, but even more than that, I’m thankful we found each other at all.